Thursday 28 July 2011

On humility and decadence


Readers: A short post this time – A couple of friends are travelling to Dubai, and I sent them a list of my favorite things to do out there. You can find the list at the end of this post. What I realized is that 9 out of the 11 things on that list are what I would classify as “decadent”. My definition of “decadent” is simple: anything which costs over 50ish USD. Data from Gini curves (a distribution of income equality) reveals that this is a daily level of income enjoyed by less than 5 percent of the world population. A lot of these experiences, however, are fun and unique to Dubai, so the decadence is somewhat justified, especially for first time visitors, and especially considering that they are helping create a vibrant tourism industry in Dubai, a city which has no hydro-carbon resources remaining. In fact, I strongly support this decadence as a win-win for all. The best things in life might be free, but can good things not be costly?

A member of the Abu Dhabi royal family recently carved his name into a private island, just off the coast of Abu Dhabi. You can see it on Google maps by following the link:

http://maps.google.com/?q=Al-Futaisi+-+Abu+Dhabi+-+United+Arab+Emirates&hl=en&geocode=FUvOcwEde848Aw&t=h&z=13

This island is not very far from the main island of Abu Dhabi, the capital of the UAE. If you look carefully, the letters “HAMAD” are very visible. I am not sure they realize this yet, but the letters are in fact inverted, if one is facing north. As soon as Hamad catches this mistake, he will probably have them filled in, and dredged again with the correct orientation. If I wasn't sick and tired of popping bottles of Cristal in VIP clubs, the ultimate in decadence, I would probably also have my name carved into some stretch of landmass (Juhudi Gardens is all I can afford for now, and it might not be visible from space). If I were Hamad, I would have all the letters filled in with water, not just the “H” and “A” as is the case currently, and ride through all of them in my motor yatch. That would keep me entertained for a little while. If that joy does not last, I would do what this other guy is doing in a YouTube video which went viral. Please follow the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR2R2R2Pdts&feature=player_embedded

And when that’s no longer fun, I would simply listen to this song, which is the deepest, most soothing and beautiful song ever composed. It’s based on the poetry of Bulleh Shah, a 17th century Punjabi poet, philosopher and mystic. Please follow the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMcUNnYIQdA



The music itself is quite unique, and part of the hugely popular and highly acclaimed Coke Studio series (Coke Studio has an amazing business model, where everything is left open; Coke benefits enormously as the co-brand, and the artists get compensated well, in a music market otherwise plagued by piracy – May be Microsoft can co-brand its software, and open it up to everyone, in these parts of the world). The song has been composed with a few traditional sub-continental instruments (including the indigenous and highly rare, “Sagar Veena”, which is a bit like the mystical “Sitar”), fused with modern western instruments. The video has subtitles in English. The depth and beauty of the song is lost a little bit in translation. The English translation might sound a bit simplistic, trivial and repetitive, but the Punjabi version is sublime. My favorite couplet starts at around 4:30 in this video, which is the following: “Ho, rabba koi meray dil dian kadran pachanay; mein sawaali, jeda nahin koi sawaal” – translates to: “God, if only someone could understand the deliberations of my heart; I am a seeker who seeks nothing.”

We need to count ourselves lucky for having such a rich tradition of metaphysics, and thank the good folks at Noori and Coke Studio for making Bulleh Shah accessible to a new generation. Enjoy!
The following is a list of my favorite things to do in Dubai, in no particular order:

1) DISCOVER THE DOWNTOWN BURJ KHALIFA AREA: Go to "At the top" at Burj Khalifa, the viewing platform on the 124th floor of the tallest building in the world. It's an engineering and architectural marvel, and especially interesting if you enjoy watching those Nat Geo engineering documentaries. While you're there, take a quick walk through Dubai Mall, the largest mall in the world, which in spite of its enormous size, gets very crowded on the weekends. Check out both the indoor and outdoor walkways, especially the one by the dancing fountain, the largest and most expensive fountain in the world. Lunch or dinner at one of the outdoor cafes or restaurants by the fountain needs to be experienced (Cost: 70 to 80 USD pp, including a meal by the Fountain – quite decadent).

2) DINNER AT ZUMA: Zuma is a fancy Japanese Restaurant in the Dubai International Financial Centre, or DIFC. I typically order the same thing every time, which includes chilli edimami, yellow sole with ponzu sauce, marinated black cod, crispy fried squid and drinks to taste. An essential experience where you’ll get great food in a super decadent environment, and where you’ll get to watch all the other people enjoy great food in a super decadent environment. The most surreal part is watching batch after batch of all the dolled up girls and metrosexual men come up the glass lift, and enter the restaurant, exchanging cheek to cheek kisses with the bouncers (Cost: 150 to 200 USD pp – extremely decadent).

3) EXPLORE OLD DUBAI: Take a walk along the Bastakia and Dubai Museum area on the Bur Dubai side of the Creek. It includes some of the old neighborhoods of Dubai, with their traditional old houses, topped off with wind towers, a traditional form of cooling. Cross the Creek on a Dubai Water Taxi or “Abra” over to the Deira side, which is super cheap at just 1 dirham or 30 US cents. Soak in the atmosphere of old school or authentic Dubai, and a little bit of the up and coming Dubai of the late 80s and early 90s on the Deira side. Do not eat here. The restaurants are known to be dodgy and overpriced (Cost: 5 to 10 USD pp, including taxi and Abra rides – not decadent at all).

4) PARTY AT A LEBANESE SUPER CLUB: Hit one of the Lebanese super clubs on a Thursday night, the start of the weekend (the weekend falls on Friday and Saturday in Dubai). Okku at the Monarch Hotel, and 400 at the Fairmont Hotel were my favorites as of April, but there are new additions to the scene all the time. Enjoy the super decadent partying, and watching the decadent people do what they like to do best. It’s a bit different to the decadence found anywhere else in the world e.g. London decadence, which I have experienced a bit of. It’s very classy/plastic on a very large scale and has to be experienced at least once (Cost: 80 to 100 USD pp, including a few drinks and “table” seating – quite decadent).

5) ENJOY A WEEKEND CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH: Have a post-super club champagne brunch on Friday at one of the five star hotels, and cure your hangover with unlimited buffet food and champagne. Not sure what the best hotel to do this is these days. Usually a lot of fun with a big group of friends, but could also be done in a smaller group or just as a couple. Food can be decent. People watching and socializing is the big draw (Cost: 100 to 150 USD pp – very decadent).

6) ENJOY SUNSET DRINKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN: Have Sunset drinks at “360”, part of the Jumeirah Beach Hotel. It’s a phenomenal place, on a little island, around 200 meters into the ocean. In addition to watching the sun set, enjoy gorgeous twilight views of both the Sheikh Zayed Road skyline, and the Marina skyline, and of course two phenomenal architectural marvels, the Burj Al Arab and the Jumeirah Beach hotel (Cost: 30 to 40 USD pp for a couple of drinks – mildly decadent).

7) BEACH PARTY: Party the night away at the Barasti Beach Bar in the Le Meridien Mina Seyahi Hotel, rated one of the best beach bars in the world. It’s a fairly long stretch of beach, with lots of sun lougers, and crowded with expats almost every night. Enjoy the gorgeous views of the Marina skyline. Sho Cho’s is another good bar on the sea, at the Dubai Marine Beach Resort & Spa (Cost: 50 to 70 USD pp for a couple of drinks – quite decadent).

8) HAVE A SPLASH AND ENJOY A FEW THRILLS: Spend the day at either the Atlantis Aquaventure or Wild Wadi Water Park. I personally prefer Aqauventure. The “Leap of Faith” is a 30 meter free fall slide (5 degree angle is just about safe), which needs to be experienced again and again. I experienced it 4 times when I was last there, in spite of the super long queues. Why, you ask? Because it was so good. Relax and chill, by one of the many pools, the beach, or in the lazy river. Or enjoy the some of the other exhilarating rides in the park (Cost: 80 to 100 USD pp – solidly decadent).

9) EXPERIENCE THE OTHER SIDE: Enjoy dinner at Ravi Restaurant in Satwa. It's the best Pakistani restaurant in Dubai, but in a slightly grubby part of town. Dubai is a city of contrasts, which is best portrayed in the 2009 movie “City of life”. It is home to Arab millionaires; Western Educated Professionals; Indian & Pakistani taxi drivers; Filipino service workers and Indian & Pakistani construction workers. Ravi Restaurant is a road side cafĂ©, in a part of town where a lot of taxi drivers and service workers live. It’s a bit like being in India or Pakistan, except that all parts of Dubai are extremely safe. The food is absolutely sublime (Cost: 15 to 20 USD pp – not in the decadent zone).

10) EXPLORE THE MARINA AREA: Take a walk along "The Walk" at Jumeirah Beach Residence, or JBR. It’s a shopping lane right on the beach, with quite a few restaurants and roadside cafes. While you're out there, take a speed boat tour along the Dubai Marina and the Palm Islands. It’s fascinating if you're into architecture and engineering, especially those Nat Geo engineering documentaries. JBR is a massive apartment complex, home to around 80,000 residents, built in postmodern style. For me it's an absolute architectural marvel, with the same sort of grandeur as the Pyramids of Giza or the Taj Mahal, but a lot of people think it's just butt ugly (Cost: 100 to 150 USD pp including boat tour and road side restaurant meal – quite decadent).





11) HEAD OUT TO THE DESERT: Book a Desert Safari or plan a camping trip independently, overnight in the desert. Desert Safaris are extremely touristy, with lots of dune bashing, sand boarding, belly dancing and henna tattoos. Set expectations low, and enjoy the ride. I personally don’t like it very much. However, going out to the desert independently and camping overnight is an absolutely phenomenal experience, especially with a group of friends. Enjoy the red rolling sands, and wait for night to fall, where you will be able to enjoy some of the best views of the stars in the clear desert sky, and a bit of a chill in the air, with the cool desert nights. Take a few drinks along, and some bonfire equipment. Enjoy some roasted marsh mellows, a fire-side chat, or play mafia around the fire, into the night (Cost: 50 to 100 USD pp for a Desert Safari tour –mildly decadent).

Tuesday 26 July 2011

Religion to the extreme


Readers – This post is a couple of days overdue. I have been in Jinja, Uganda over the weekend with a group of friends, white water rafting at the source of the River Nile. It was an incredible trip. There are lots of reflections from the trip which I will be blogging about over the next week or so. Jinja is an interesting place. It’s a sleepy mid-sized town, the second largest in Uganda, known as the adventure capital of East Africa. It was once an up and coming industrial hub, strategically located on the Mombasa Kampala Railway line, super charged with abundant hydro-power and the entrepreneurial spirit of second and third generation Indian migrants, whose fathers and grandfathers decided to settle there after building the railway line. Who can blame them? The place is so gorgeous, even I am seriously considering spending the next year there, doing nothing but learning kayaking and white water rafting (and of course blogging more frequently).  Over the years demand for electricity outstripped supply. I guess there was no “Economic Hit man” (please read the book: Confessions of an Economic Hit Man) to over extrapolate demand trends. Also, Idi Amin’s expulsion of Indians from Uganda in 1972 (Idi Amin was Uganda’s crazy strong man dictator), which was apparently a commandment from God communicated to him in a dream, took a heavy toll on the town.


This fits in nicely with today’s topic, which is an extremely heavy one, but nevertheless (at least in my opinion) the single most important issue we need to get a handle on, in the first quarter of this century. The issue is religion and violence, and this post is specifically in the context of Pakistan. It is written mostly in an Op-Ed style and also attempts to provide some historical background on Islam in Pakistan, tailored especially to those who might not be very knowledgeable about the topic or even the country (90% of Pakistanis don’t know this stuff, including myself not so long ago, so it’s very educational). It deviates a little bit from my usual style of telling a few personal stories, and providing a few contemporary examples, a style which friends and family might find more entertaining. I will nevertheless try to keep it a structured, flowing, easy and interesting read. I will end this paragraph and start with real content, after a bit of a quick disclaimer. I am not even remotely close to being the expert on this topic. I am well aware that my opinions are highly controversial, but to the extent possible, I will try to position them to offer the utmost respect to anyone and everyone who might be reading.


We can all agree that violence continues to get worse by the day in Pakistan. A lot of it is not fuelled by religion. The target killings in Karachi, Pakistan’s largest city, a melting pot of around 18 million people, from virtually every ethnicity in Pakistan (including 1 to 2 million Afghan refugees), probably claim the highest number of lives. I recently spent 9 months in Karachi, and my estimates are that 50 to 100 people are killed on average every week, and that there are 2 to 3 incidents every day, even though only those involving high profile politicians are usually covered by the media. The gunmen are usually on motorcycles, and manage to escape through traffic almost every time, rendering direct law enforcement completely ineffective. These killings are fueled by ethnic, political and gang rivalries, and a deeply short-sighted inability to get along, or as Obama has famously and very inspirationally said, “by those who cannot build, so they destroy”.


But “religious” violence (as I decide to tag it; my definition is simple – any violence that is carried out in the name of any faith) has become a very serious problem as well.  Religion was first twisted as a useful ideological catalyst to create proxies to fight the Soviets in Afghanistan in the 1980s, and was later conveniently channeled to “bleed” the Indians in the 1990s, mostly in the disputed territory of Kashmir, over which India and Pakistan have fought four conventional wars. Religion is also the cause for internal sectarian conflict in Pakistan, mostly between the Shiites, Sunnis, and Ahmedis, and also within the Sunnis, most commonly the Barelvi and Deobandi schools of thought. Post 9/11, it started to unite and provide seemingly never ending fuel to the various belligerents in the war on terror. It is also exacerbating multiple ethnic and tribal insurgencies in various parts of the West and North. Most recently and most worryingly though, it threatens to destroy the Pakistani state, and the fundamentally secular and pluralistic nature of our society. What this monster could evolve into beyond this is scary and unpredictable. Pakistan was once a fairly strong state, so it managed to develop nuclear weapons and advanced delivery systems. If it becomes a failed state, like Somalia or Afghanistan, there is a good chance that petty piracy is not the only fallout the world is going to have to deal with.


The link between religion and violence is complex. My view is that religion is typically not the root cause, and that historical, political, socio-economic and cultural factors are usually the underlying drivers for violence. In particular, it would be wrong (almost blasphemous) to single out Islam as intrinsically the single most violent religion in today’s world, even though it has come to be the only major religion associated with violence. One simple thought experiment is to imagine today’s world without Islam. What constitutes the “Islamic World” today would probably hold the Eastern or Greek Orthodox faith. It’s hard to predict whether this Eastern Orthodox population would be at odds with the “West”, but at least I would put my money behind that hypothesis.  This is a real shame, because Islamophobic attitudes in the “West” (expressed e.g. through the cartoons of the Prophet, published in the Danish newspaper, Jylands-Posten), and the backlash they create in the Muslim world (expressed e.g. in a “peaceful” form through Facebook Groups condemning the cartoons; but most often portrayed in the Western media as angry young men in Green turbans shouting anti-American slogans, and burning effigies), are not helping us understand each other. They neither promote a more secular pluralistic society in the Islamic World, nor does the counter reaction help convert the Dutch and Danes in droves to the Islamic faith.


Those who argue for a stronger link between religion and violence, typically cite religion’s ability to hold its followers from thinking critically and independently, and for creating another set of unnecessary differences amongst us (amongst all the other differences e.g. tribe, ethnicity, etc.). It is hard to refute these arguments, except to make the counter-argument that there are many Muslims who hold strong faith, yet they read and critically interpret the scriptures. So the ability to think critically and independently is independent of religion, but I am not entirely convinced, because faith does require, at least to some extent, belief without question or doubt. Also, there is the question of the correlation between piety and violence. Whilst it is true that those who subscribe to violent religious ideology are by definition very pious, there are also some very pious followers of religion, who advocate love, and non-violence. My view is that once one falls into the “piety” funnel (please excuse me for applying consulting techniques here), the lines become blurry and permeable. Many groups form. Some want to attack only one country, and not the others. Some want to attack all countries, including the Pakistani state. And some will have their followers wear scary green turbans, and grow long beards, but will otherwise be completely harmless.


Indeed, I subscribe to the notion, that religious ideology (not religion) is most often simply the banner or final catalyst, and can be channeled for any of these aims, peaceful, spiritual, altruistic or politically violent. It takes just a little bit of faith and just a few sermons from a violent all-out Jihadist to convert a peaceful green turbaned, long-bearded member, for example of the Tableeghi Jamat, a largely peaceful grass roots missionary group, into a hardcore violent jihadist. How does this happen? Richard Dawkins (a controversial character to bring into this post) and Pervez Hoodbhoy, a Pakistani physicist and prominent intellectual might have the answer in “Memes”. Wikipedia defines memes as the following:


“A meme is an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture. While genes transmit biological information, memes are said to transmit ideas and belief information.”


Simply stated memes are the cultural or ideological cousins of genes. We all know that genes are self-propagating, evolve or mutate over time, and actively compete with other genes (often, but not always destructively). The big “so what” here is that we find ourselves in this twisted state, by twist of fate. The meme has taken hold, and is self-propagating, and mutating into more and more dangerous forms. The other big “so what” is that if we want to get out of this rut, we need to create and propagate some memes of our own, those which promote co-operation and non-violence. Indeed, great individuals like Gandhi and Mandela have done exactly this with far reaching consequences. The problem though is that without the zing or zeal of faith, apartheid or colonialism, reaching critical mass or critical speed can be very challenging. It’s not clear whether there is a catalyst to turn non-violent ideas into a movement in Pakistan, especially in our present slow destructive state. What I can do for the rest of this blog though, is to provide a few case examples from the history of the sub-continent, to show how Islamic fundamentalism turned into such a large movement. It did not just happen in the 1980s with the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan as many people believe, but started much before that.


Another caveat: This is not a comprehensive history of Islam in the sub-continent. I have neither studied the history of Islam in the sub-continent, nor have I thoroughly researched the topic. This is indeed a very heavy topic in of itself, and one can devote one’s entire life to scholarship in this area. Most of what I know is through what I have read and what I have heard from others, especially through top speakers in lecture circuits. The rest of this post outlines a concise and simplified set of events, and attempts to show through historical events, how the “Meme” has worked its way into Pakistani society.


Islam was brought into the sub-continent by the Umayyad Caliphate, through Muhammad Bin Qasim, a Syrian general in the 8th century. A few wars took place, and he made inroads all the way into Multan, some 750 kilometers inland. This sparked trade with the Arab world and significant cultural exchange. Conversions amongst the local population ensued. The early Muslims in the sub-continent were not far from controversy, accused of replacing the existing systems of religious codes and ethics, by force. Later on in the 11th century, Mahmud of Ghazni (a town in modern day Afghanistan), and Muhammad Ghauri (also from a town in modern day Afghanistan), launched a serious of expeditions one after the other, making significant inroads into the heart of the Indian sub-continent. Both of Pakistan’s main ballistic missile systems are provocatively named “Ghaznavi” and “Ghauri” after these gentlemen. This not only angers the Indians, who tend to view these as dark chapters in their history, but also the Afghans, who have of course created personality cults around them, and see them as their own heroes. They are accused of looting and destroying temples, and imposed the “Dhimma” contract on non-Muslim subjects, effectively subjugating them to second class citizenship under Shariah Law.


Upon Ghauri’s death the Delhi Sultanate was formed, followed by the Mughal Empire. The Mughal emperors came from Central Asia in the North West, and ruled almost all of the Indian sub-continent, as it is known in the present day. The peak of the Mughal Empire was a period of renaissance especially for Muslims, where much cultural and economic progress took place. The Mughals created such splendid monuments as the Taj Mahal, and made innovations in cuisine, creating some of the Indian dishes which we continue to enjoy to this day (think Kulfi, Mughlai Chicken, Seekh Kebabs and Shami Kebabs). Akbar the Great, a Mughal Emperor who ruled for half a century, was a hard-core secular liberal, inspired by Sufi mysticism, which was now being practiced all over the sub-continent. He tried to form a new religion called “Din-i-Ilahi”, literally translated to “The Divine Truth”. It did not take off as a religion, due to deeply entrenched religious views, especially in the Muslim and Hindu orthodoxy, but functioned as a very powerful think tank, promoting healthy debate between practitioners of different religions, and helping find common philosophical ground across them.


Sufism was spreading quickly through the sub-continent over this period. It is similar to Buddhist or Hindu mystics and Christian hermits or monks, the esoteric dimension of religion, stressing self-discipline and self-devotion, a backlash against the materialistic and political concerns of the new “Islamic Empire”, which ruled for several hundred years after the Umayyads. The Sufis largely advocate love, peace and tolerance, and ask their followers to seek God within oneself. But, to practice Sufism one must find a “teacher” or “master”, with a full line of succession all the way to the Prophet. Pakistan’s current Prime Minister is one of these “masters” or “Pirs”, from Multan, the Sufi capital of Pakistan. It is no wonder that he keeps getting elected from this constituency, in spite of questionable competence or integrity. The Sufis believe that one can only learn from another person, who must learn from yet another person. This makes education and spiritual healing an exclusive club on the supply side, one which can only be offered by a select few, and which has become a highly lucrative business. Some people argue that the failure of education in Pakistan is rooted in this practice. As one somewhat cynical speaker, whose lecture I attended put it: “It’s not a failure of policy that we are not able to provide education; rather it is the policy.”


Then British Colonialism arrived, and Muslims were sidelined in the new British India, for being associated with or suspected of having ties with the previous Mughal regime, where they were a disproportionately powerful minority. Under threat and in a bit of a crisis, a number of Islamic reformist movements were started in the British Sub-Continent, the most notable of which are the Deobandi and the Barelvi movements, founded in 1866 and 1880 respectively. The Deobandi movement, founded in Deoband, present day India, is part of Sunni Islam, but closer on the spectrum to the Wahabis in Saudi Arabia, with their strict interpretation of Islamic Law. The Barelvis, on the other hand, were founded by an individual called Barelvi, and were closer to the Sufis, defending the status quo. The Deobandis rejected the Sufi tradition of having “teachers” or “masters”. They (the Deobandis) were initially declared apostates by the Sufis or Barelvis, who were more numerous or had a more popular following, and who were trying to defend their lucrative supply of teaching and spiritual services. The Deobandis had a point though. One can learn about religion through educating oneself and independently reading and critically interpreting the scriptures, and does not require “teachers” or “masters”. But this started the meme of accusing just about anyone and everyone in the sub-continent if being a “Kafir”, an apostate, or infidel, a tradition which holds to this day, and which is a major reason for much of the sectarian violence in the country. We have become so interested in other peoples’ business, particularly judging their faith, that we have lost the ability to properly understand our own. Realizing that their very existence was under threat for being declared apostates, the Deobandi’s quickly took a softer line, and the Barelvi’s allowed them to thrive.


Since the Deobandi version of Islam is stronger, it forms much of the foundation of today’s violent Islamic extremists, especially in Pakistan. It’s following continues to grow strongly, fueled in large part by the well-known “madrassas” or religious seminaries, which provide free good quality education, a strong pull, especially for poor and lower middle class urban families. I was watching a documentary on the state of education in Pakistan recently, where the head of a madrassa was boasting about marble flooring and air-conditioning, as the facilities provided in his madrassa, whereas the local government school does not even have desks and chairs (Note: The Barelvis are also starting to get politically charged and violent – The Sunni Tehreek, primarily based in Karachi, is a Barelvi political movement, founded very recently in 1990, and has been associated with violence. Their Graffiti or wall chalking is all over the city of Karachi, and some of the slogans are very scary. The new dangerous memes are taking hold, and replacing the old Sufi ones).


As the Deobandis grew, both the Barelvis and Deobandis ganged up on the Ahmedis, a group declared apostates in Pakistan, and that too officially by the state. It’s a large movement, and Pakistan is said to house over 4 million of its followers. The Ahmedis are followers of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, who claims to be the Messiah promised to the Muslims, a claim which the other sects staunchly reject. In order to get a passport in Pakistan today, one has to sign a declaration rejecting Mirza Ghulam Ahmed as an apostate. It is a shocking thing to do, which I have personally had to do on three occasions, because without doing it, I wouldn’t be able to obtain a passport. One of my friends is an Ahmedi by birth (but a secular agnostic now), and one of the smartest, and most inspirational people I know. The common perception in Pakistan is that the Ahmedis had it worst under General Zia-ul-Haq, Pakistan’s military dictator in the 1980s, who was a staunch Deobandi, and a great friend and ally of the United States. He is the one who helped the United States seed the mujahideen to fight as proxies against the Soviets in Afghanistan. A lesser known fact, however, is that the first acts of violence against the Ahmedis were the Lahore riots of 1953, just 6 years after the formation of Pakistan, where the military had to be called in to restore order. It was in fact Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto’s democratic government which officially declared the Ahmedis as apostates and non-Muslims through an act of parliament in 1974. It has of course been downhill since. The persecution against Ahmedis is so bad now, that Pakistan’s star nuclear physicist, Dr. Abdus Salam, who was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics, the only Pakistani to this day to have been awarded the noble prize, had the word “Muslim” erased from his gravestone for being an Ahmedi. It is so bad, that some of my own relatives will discuss Ahmedis in our living rooms as if they were infidels, destined to spend eternity in hell.


My Ahmedi or rather secular agnostic friend argues that contrary to popular perception, religious extremism in Pakistan is fait accompli, and not something that was entirely engineered under the military dictatorship of General Zia-ul-Haq in the 1980s. I agree with him, but also subscribe to the notion that Zia-ul-Haq really helped accelerate the downfall. What happened since is well known. The Soviets came and left. India got a piece of the action, and more recently Pakistan itself is under siege. Also, another school of thought is that the partition from India made us loose our sense of pluralism, and thus created this monstrous “meme”. The idea is simple. As long as we were exposed to other religious practices, especially those which are fundamentally different to our own, as would be the case today in a United India, with just 30% Muslims (versus 98% in Pakistan), we would have continued to think and question. This is indeed what made home grown philosophers and poets like Bulleh Shah, Mirza Ghalib and Allama Iqbal, from the 17th, 18th & 19th centuries respectively, who had such great exposure to other faiths in British India, such great intellectuals, with religion and spirituality forming a key part of their work. The moment the fundamentals came “out of question” simply through lack of counter exposure (98% Muslims in Pakistan), serious fundamentalism took hold. This might be partly true. But who knows what would have gone down if we were part of a United India to this day. One scenario is that we might have continued to live in intolerant religious silos, sparking significant religious conflict within a United India, which might have been worse than the existing conflict across India and Pakistan.

Finally, and as my last argument for the “meme” hypothesis, I need to refute the pure socio-economic root cause argument, which is often misunderstood as the main solution to the problem. Tom Friedman, the New York time columnist, was searching for answers after 9/11, especially after all the terror incidents in Europe carried out by “home grown” terrorists. He concluded that the root cause was not a “poverty of wealth” but rather a “poverty of dignity”. Indeed, most of the home grown belligerents in the war on terror in the West have been middle-class individuals. This is also true in Pakistan, where rock stars and top cricketers have become members of the Tableeghi Jamat, the grass roots missionary off-shoot of the Deobandi movement. They claim to be staunchly peaceful, but as I wrote earlier, the lines are blurry and permeable. One of these individuals, Junaid Jamshed, wrote such classic songs as “Dil Dil Pakistan” (a highly popular and catchy patriotic song), and “Ye sham” (a highly romantic song which I will be singing to all the lucky ladies I will be marrying – I believe in polygamy, not divorce). Another individual is a top Pakistani cricket batsman, who went straight from Christianity to the Deobandi school, changing his name from Yousaf Youahana to Mohammad Yusuf. Exhibit A, below is a before and after snapshot of both individuals. I will go one step further than Tom Friedman in my hypothesis. These individuals were neither lacking wealth, nor dignity. Junaid Jamshed has at least ten No. 1 hit singles, and Yusuf Youhana has raked up thousands and thousands of runs in all forms of cricket. They were simply human beings seeking meaning, and the Deobandi “meme” came and took root, providing them with what they were yearning for. What can we do now besides respecting their decision, and continuing to admire their work?

Thursday 21 July 2011

Our Smallest Enemies

Nairobi’s weather is absolutely perfect. In 1899, as the British were building the railway from Mombasa on the South Eastern coast, to Kampala in the North West (the capital of modern day Uganda), they came across this idyllic spot on a slightly elevated swamp, roughly 2,000 meters above sea level, and almost half way between the two cities. They decided to build a supply depot here. The early settlers enjoyed the scenery and the weather and started building out a city, which became so popular, so quickly, that within just 6 years of its founding, it replaced Mombasa as the capital of the British protectorate.

Day time temperatures in Nairobi range from the comfortable early 20’s to the nicely warm mid 20’s (in degrees Celsius, of course!). Nights can range from the nicely cool teens to the comfortable early 20’s. Most days are partly cloudy, my personal favorite out of all possible weather conditions. The equatorial sun rises and sets at a consistent time through the year. When it’s not hidden by cloud cover, it stings, but only just a little bit. Days such as this morning, were absolutely perfect. I enjoyed a game of tennis, with a slight chill in the air, mostly under cloud cover, but with a bit of direct sunshine every now and then.

Some call it the “only air-conditioned capital in the world”. This is so true that my plan to control global warming involves deporting everyone out of the Arabian Gulf, and forcing them to resettle here. The GCC Arab states have the highest per capita carbon footprint in the world, driven mostly by heavily subsidized hydro-carbon generated electricity used to power heavy duty air-conditioning units present everywhere from the public transport system to all the other white elephants which have been built out there (e.g. “The largest mall in the world”, where the air-conditioning plant is the size of a small power station – it alone is probably larger than the second largest mall in the world). The UAE’s per capita carbon footprint is twice even that of the United States, notorious for its gas guzzling SUVs, and large heating footprint. And the UAE’s per capita footprint is over a hundred times that of Kenya (see Exhibit A).

There is a slight problem, however. Whilst we may like this climate a lot, there is also a tiny flying insect which really seems to enjoy it out here. Yes, this climate is absolutely perfect for mosquitos to live and breed. In highly developed temperate regions, mosquitos have been eliminated altogether through DDT, other pesticides and also other methods of eradication. In less developed temperate regions like the sub-continent, they only have a small window in Spring & Autumn within which to live. I may have a short memory, but I cannot recall mosquitos being this serious a problem anywhere else that I have lived. In Nairobi, they are an extremely serious problem seemingly thriving almost all year round.

We are having to make quite an effort to fight off these blood sucking parasites. I have bought vaporizers, sprays, ointments, coils, matches, malaria pills and am considering buying electrical tennis rackets and all kinds of other gadgets to defeat them. I have even downloaded an application for my Andriod smart phone which emits a frequency, supposedly to annoy them, but which does not seem to have any impact. It does however, very quickly drain my battery, and seems to annoy me a lot (young ones, such as myself, can still hear low frequencies). My pre-sleep rituals are elaborate. I burn half a coil, and spray “Mortein Doom” across my room, closing the windows and suffocating myself for the next few hours. The weekly malaria pills I have been taking for almost 3 months now have turned out to be especially brutal. I have had some of the scariest nightmares of my life, night after night. These have involved such bizarre adventures as chopping my own hand off, to others which I cannot even write about. Still every now and then I hear that annoying buzz in my ear in the middle of the night, or have to suffer through extreme itch on my hands and face, as I am trying to sleep.

It has however, been extremely cold over the last couple of weeks, co-inciding with considerably less buzzing and itching. My hypothesis is that the mosquitos have not been able to survive through this cold spell. It is winter at this time of the year, for reasons hard to explain. Nairobi is not really in the Southern Hemisphere, even though technically it is 1 degree and 25 minutes south of the equator. I consider it to be as close to the equator as a city can possibly be. The only other major cities, which are this close to the equator, are Quito in Ecuador which is literally on the equator, and perhaps Singapore, which is 1 degree and 14 minutes north of it. But for some reason, it has been really cold very recently, and life has been mosquito free. I have forgotten about mosquitos so quickly, that I have stopped taking my pills, helping me sleep a little better and have also stopped going through all the pre-sleep rituals.

All was well, until last night when I heard the first buzz in my ear in over two weeks. It was a bit of a warmer day, providing the mosquitos with the opportunity they needed to get back in the game. This time there were at least three of them. The sunk their little straws in every part of my body which was exposed, my hand, palms, neck and arms. I had run out of mosquito spray, and had to make do with cockroach spray which was not very effective. I had also run out of ointment, and had no choice but to turn the lights on, and clap my hands across them one by one. I got two of them, but the third one kept buzzing in my ear. I tried to clap it dead but was agonizingly unsuccessful. I slept for less than an hour that night. My eyes kept twitching all day today for lack of sleep.

This was a somewhat trivial set of everyday musings, highlighting the trade-offs between itch and good weather out here in Nairobi. It does not fit in with the recurring theme of this blog, which is to understand complex and important world problems. Malaria is a semi-related theme, but I do not know enough about it to state anything new, meaningful or insightful. All I know is that it is preventable. With a bit of a collective upfront investment, and a recurring individual investment of just a few dollars per person per year, it can be eradicated. Yet no one seems to be making these investments. Indeed, a key driver is that poor countries and poor individuals do not have the resources required to do so. But I have also seen that malaria is not perceived to be a big threat or an important issue. A local colleague made the following remark to me, as I was sharing my malaria pill related nightmares with him:  “Yes, Malaria. It doesn’t affect us Africans, but it seems to be affecting the visitors a lot.”

Finally, when I was in the Masai Mara a couple of weeks back, I visited a local Masai village (had to be done as part of the tourist experience). As one would expect, they have adopted their lifestyle and dwellings to keep the mosquitoes out, but at significant cost, and without the benefit of modern innovation. Their houses look very similar to the kutcha (raw) mud houses, back in the villages in Central Punjab, with wooden frames and wooden supporting beams, plastered around with mud. They are only used to interacting with the typical western tourist, and when I explained to them that our houses in Pakistan are very similar to theirs, they were quite surprised, and wanted to know more. The key difference, however, is that they have tiny windows or rather holes to keep the mosquitos out. These are literally finger sized holes to let only a few tiny beams of light inside. The tiny surface area does not allow many mosquitos to get in. We went inside one of them and it was pitch dark, and filled with heavy smoke. They also cook inside the house with a special wood, the fumes of which the mosquitos do not like. The heavy fumes tend to suffocate all those inside, but are very effective against the mosquitos.

The Masai are also of course fiercely proud of their culture and traditions, and thus might prefer local solutions to local problems. They are the only tribe in Kenya which was able to withstand European cultural influence brought about by the European colonialists and missionaries over the past two centuries. Their uniqueness makes them poster children for Kenyan culture, even though they are just one of dozens of tribes in Kenya and account for a tiny proportion of the population. This brings me to my final question. Would it be appropriate to introduce modern, culturally agnostic (if such a thing exists), mosquito fighting solutions, a-la bed-nets, sprays or battery powered “Mortein Doom” vaporizers, so that the Masai can have more light and cleaner air to breathe? The Masai do get a modern education where they learn Masai, Swahili and English in Model schools. Some of their English was very good, probably due to heavy exposure to Western tourists. Yet they seem to continue to make fire using traditional methods, and continue to rely on their traditional methods to keep mosquitos out. Where does one draw the line and why? What’s the difference between tangible cultural practices (e.g. making fire, anti-mosquito house design, nice colorful blankets etc.) versus intangible cultural exposure (e.g. through education, etc.)?

This post has been fairly light and inconsequential. My next post promises to be heavier and filled with a little greater insight. I will be covering Memes (the intangible ideological or cultural equivalent of Genes), and how they could potentially explain the rise of religious extremism in Pakistan. The idea was first floated by Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy, a Pakistani physicist and prominent intellectual, in a lecture he gave in Karachi around three months back. I will also be providing my version of a short history of religious extremism in the region, right from the formation of the Deobandi School in British India, over a century back, to partition, up to the most recent developments in and around Afghanistan. Stay tuned!

Monday 18 July 2011

Corruption II - Are you a "Pain in the patootie", or just "Pure evil"?

Friends and relatives (and also a few external readers now – Welcome!): First of all, thanks for all the kind comments on my last post, and for keeping all the harsh ones to yourselves. This is the final post in my two-part series on corruption, before I move onto other, possibly more interesting topics. In my last post, I shared some personal stories and also sighted some well-known institutional efforts to battle corruption. Institutional efforts are important, because they are highly actionable, and create work for managers and consultants like yours truly. But the key take away from my previous post is that by and large, they do not seem to be working. At the end of the day, we need to address the demand or individual side of things, which entails changing behavior across all of us in a massively bottom-up manner. This post attempts to think through the individual side going further than just sighting original sin as that never ending predicament, the cause for all our ills. By the end of this post, you will have a segmentation, a structured way to think through who stands where, on the individual side of the corruption landscape, and a few interesting but mostly absurd stories around how I have seen each of these segments in play.


Exhibit A outlines a framework, which conceptualizes the individual side of corruption. At the extreme right of the spectrum, in Category V, we have “Pure evil”, those we most commonly associate with “creating demand” for corruption. A little bit towards the left, we have the “Poor fellas”, in category II, who are also a very common animal. They seem to be hopelessly stuck. Category I, on the extreme left includes the old “Principled pain in the patootie”, someone who will stubbornly stand up against corruption, often at great personal risk or inconvenience. Category III, “Good for bad reasons”, somewhere in the middle is a selfish version of Category I. And finally, Category IV, also in the middle, “Bad for good reasons”, is a more questionable version of Category II.


We obviously cannot be slotted into a single category across all our encounters. Through each experience we may find ourselves in a different category. In my Friday immigration office encounter, I fell firmly into Category III. As you all learnt (if you read my previous post), I was battling corruption just for kicks. For me, the incident was nothing more than a high stakes showdown, and for those of you who know me, know very well that I really enjoy a highly charged game of Poker. Immigration officer was betting as if he had pocket rockets (Two Aces – the best cards one can get on the draw). We had nothing but Benson still engaged in some trash talk. Immigration guy folded and we took the pot. So familiar. So adrenaline charged. So much raw pleasure.


In 1986, when I was born, they shaved my head and found the number 666 on the back. They subsequently defanged me, and by 2008 I was able to graduate to category IV, falling into temptation when the Motorway Police officer issued me a fine for over speeding (see previous post). Over the years, I have found myself in both categories IV and V. In the 7th grade, at my secondary school in Islamabad, Pakistan, I was part of the organizing team for a school charity funfair. Our team was given the mandate to manage the “Jail”. Now, the “Jail” is the most fun stall in any funfair. One could pay 20 rupees (about 50 US cents back in those days) to put anyone they wished behind bars, which was a sheet of plastic with black vertical lines drawn on it with a permanent marker, guarded by a couple of 12-year old wardens. In order to get out of jail, the person behind bars, or the plastic sheet, had to pay another 20 rupees. All the money collected of course went to charity.


As I was considered the biggest geek and most innocent little kid in class, I was made the treasurer for this stall. I prepared myself for the evening, bringing out a register to maintain meticulous records of who was jailed and how much cash was collected. What ensued, however, was not what I had in mind. My friends, some of my best friends in fact, finding that it was no fun just to administer this service playing by the actual rules, went out and started catching people randomly and putting them in jail. A simple “public service” turned into a game of tag, where we were literally running around catching kids, physically dragging them into our jail, placing them behind the sheet, and extorting 20 rupees out of them to let them go, only to catch them again, moments later. There were so many people in jail that my record keeping systems broke down. My math teacher, who was in-charge of over-seeing our stall was worried about the huge pot of money we were collecting, and decided to take over the treasury function. She was worried that we would appropriate some of the booty for ourselves, and she was probably right. That experience continues to account for 80% of my dented confidence to this very day, the fact that I was given responsibility but was not able to handle it. What she wasn’t worried about though, and what was so apparent, was that we were not playing fair. The next morning we got hailed as heroes in the school assembly for running the stall which collected the highest amount of money.


A similar thing went down in 12th grade, again in Islamabad, Pakistan. I was leading an effort to sell tickets for a charity concert which I also helped organize and had a team of sales agents, some of my good friends, helping me. Lo and behold, some money goes missing. We were all big boys now, so this time around, I made them collectively figure out what went missing. They all chipped in to make up the difference. The point I am trying to make here is that corruption is so ingrained from such an early age in Pakistan that kids are regularly falling into Category V by the time they are 11 or 12 years old. And we are talking about some of the best schools in the country. If the elite are so corrupt from such an early age, it does not surprise me that our cricketers are match fixing, and our politicians are being encouraged to steal from the National Treasury, because “we the people are happy to provide to our leaders”.


One of the most shocking cases of student corruption involves a friend and former colleague, who attended a Prestigious Pakistani college. As the story goes, this person held a senior role in Student Government, and was nearly expelled for embezzling student funds. What is so shocking is that this person is both extremely smart and highly successful in his career, but so devoid of integrity. Now, I have been part of student organizations at my college in the UK, where these sorts of incidents were absolutely unthinkable. Sure there was a budget process, and there was an expense process, and both those processes worked well, but embezzlement? By the time we graduate from college in Pakistan, at age 22, we have already spent at least 10 years in Category V. When some of us enter the civil service, the interview process actually tests whether or not we are capable of handling Category V. Even someone in Category IV is an absolute outcast: “He sometimes doesn’t take bribes? What a looser!”.


And then there are Categories I and II. My second police check-point stop in Nairobi was a couple of weeks back, on the way to pick my sister up from the airport, where Benson (the familiar character from my previous post), was my driver. One thing that is shocking is that this was happening in the parking lot of Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. I decided to stay in the car, and Benson dealt with the Police Officer. Benson made it very clear to him, that he was going to stand up for his rights (citing the new constitution, which is seen to be the catalyst for a sort of political awakening in Kenya) and that he was willing to go to jail, or to court or to pay off any fine, and that under no circumstance was the police officer going to see any of his money. This is a risky strategy which backfired towards one of my friends in Nairobi, and one of my Juhudi colleagues in Kitale, both of whom had to spend a night in jail. It is a heavy price to pay, which is why I don’t judge people who fall into Category II.


One of my favorite stories is that of a team of management consultants from India who were over in Nairobi, a little while back, doing some consulting work for Juhudi Kilimo. Now for weeks, they had not been anywhere besides the Juhudi Offices and their hotel rooms (I know this because I was on their side of the table just a few months back – and when clients juice consultants, as I have found on this side of the table, consultants tend to allow themselves to be juiced). The first day they decided to venture out, within just the first 100 meters of their little trip, they hit a Police Check Point. They didn’t even have enough time to fasten their seat belts, but they still got accused of breaking the law. I don’t know exactly how the exchange went down, but the cops took away their passports, and they had to end up paying 1,000 shillings each to get them back. Similar thing happened to some friends out here in Nairobi, just a month back.


This brings me to my final piece of advice. Anyone who finds themselves in these situations (and if you’re reading from Nairobi, chances are that it will happen pretty soon) should play what I call the “Donkey Strategy”. I am particularly good at it, perhaps because I naturally come across as an ass. The idea is simple. When in these situations, stay calm, collected and polite, and waste the police officers’ time. Beat around the bush, talk about the weather, or do whatever else you have to in order to avoid the subtle exchange that the police officers will be trying to drive you towards. You will probably find that 8 out of 10 police officers will give up because, simply stated, you’re wasting their time. They have a narrow window, usually from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. to collect as much as they can, and anything more than a 5 minute exchange is a waste of time for them. Plus, there are plenty of people behind you passing through the same road, who are much easier targets to try and hit. And it’s certainly not worth their while to take you to the Police Station, or through Court Proceedings, especially if your offence isn’t that serious. Just remember to always fasten your seatbelts, and if you drive your own car, remember to get a Music License from the Copyright Association of Kenya. The Music License is especially important if you’re blasting “Kigeugeu by Jaguar”,  in your car (check it out on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTBYc3lAnMU). It’s a catchy tune, and my Kenyan colleagues tell me that it's all about corruption. Corrupt doctors, corrupt policemen, and corrupt pastors, among all sorts of other corrupt characters. I have a feeling that the cops at the Police Check-post will not appreciate that you’re listening to it.


A naive word of warning: Do not under any circumstances be rude to them or tick them off emotionally. Thinking across my encounters in Kenya, I broadly find that people out here are not as emotional as many of my compatriots back in Pakistan. But you never know. In Pakistan, “Ghairat” (self-respect) and “Intiqaam” (revenge) frequently trumps reason, and one has to tread very carefully in these situations. It’s one of the many reasons why the war on terror continues to drag on (another post for another time). This is also probably the main reason why our colleague in Kitale had to spend the night in jail. Final disclaimer: I do not accept any responsibility if things go wrong. If things seem to be going seriously haywire, you can always step in late and turn them around. This is unlike a game of poker where some of my friends will castigate me for not placing my bet in one loud and clear, pre-announced move. With the cops on Nairobi’s streets, one can always place a bet after all the cards have been revealed, and change the bet quickly depending on how the situation unfolds. This gives us a bit of leeway to test out the waters and see if the “donkey strategy” works. Please try to stay out of jail. And do call me if you need a friend to bail you out.

Friday 15 July 2011

"We will have to arrest you" - A battle against corruption

As I write out this blog post on my latest encounter with corruption in Kenya, Jua and Duma are suffering. The to do's are piling on, especially after a rich discussion, and strong buy-in towards action from the Juhudi Regional Managers, over the course of a 3-day Juhudi Kilimo management offsite earlier this week in Kitale, a small, primarily agricultural market town in Western Kenya. I am re-energized and ready to push on those fronts, but I must spend the next hour or two reflecting on my experience this morning and breaking down some of my thoughts on corruption, not only because the encounter itself was intense and somewhat entertaining, which I will be detailing out quite extensively in this post, but also because the topic is important and “by default” something I am deeply passionate about. I am a simple independent professional Pakistani, with a background in consulting, not a Neo-Colonialist or a Missionary, and I want to take ownership of this problem in Pakistan.


For my readers who are not yet familiar with Jua and Duma, please await a future blog post on these topics. Until then, the only thing to know is that I spend 80% of my time at Juhudi on Project Jua & Project Duma. And there is also Project Night-vision now, which is something I dreamed up this morning in my shower thoughts, and which I am excited to roll my sleeves up for, over the next couple of weeks. Night-vision is a working title. It's a controversial play on the name of our MIS software platform, Microsoft's "Navision", and the fact that we might be "in the dark" with our current systems and processes. I am looking for a more inspiring and positive Kiswahili word to replace "Night-vision" over the next few days.


Now, returning to the main topic. In just my first 68 days here in Kenya, I have already had 3 direct encounters with corruption. The first 2 were routine police checkpoint stops, where we were accused of not fastening our seatbelts the first time, and not being able to produce the right insurance documentation the second time. By contrast, in my 2 to 3 years as an adult, and another 4 to 5 years growing up in Pakistan, I have not had a single direct encounter with corruption or extortion. This, in spite of the fact that one hears about corruption and extortion all the time in Pakistan, and Transparency International regularly lists Pakistan as the second most corrupt country in the world (based on the Corruption Perception Index or CPI survey). We have never been Number One, even though as a nation we probably hold the competitive spirit to earn that distinction, but the rather old and clichéd joke is that we have been paying off the TI folks.


So why is Kenya providing me with a first first-hand taste of what I should have, in the statistical sense, experienced in Pakistan? Part of the reason might be luck, and I have indeed been very lucky. I may also not have been too exposed to ordinary situations, living out of hotels, and travelling in “biggish” cars. This also likely drives fear which might be holding back corrupt officials from engaging me, as I perhaps appear to be affluent and thus "connected". A little spoiler alert now. This card was played as a bluff in my encounter earlier this morning, and is probably what got me out of my situation. Finally, I do come across as a man with strong principles, although I haven't been wearing my "I have strong principles" T-Shirt that often.


So, although I have not directly suffered through this cancerous epidemic in Pakistan, I cannot seem to slip under the radar here in Kenya. I will gladly make the most of this unexpected opportunity to experience corruption first-hand, reflect upon what is happening, and think through potential answers and solutions to this problem.


This morning, I took a trip to the Nairobi Immigration Office to extend my 3 month visa which is set to expire on the 27th of this month. What is important to appreciate here is that this is at least 12 days before the expiry date. I filled in the forms, and waited in the queue which was not long at all for a service counter set-up of this nature (the consulting mind has to think about these things). I have recently had to frequent the Dubai Electricity and Water Authority Office in Al Wasl, and the Pakistan Consulate in Dubai, so my expectations in these kinds of service counter set-ups have been radically re-calibrated (or re-benchmarked, if you allow me to use a consulting term). The lady at the counter reviewed my documentation, gleaned over my passport, and got a tiny bit excited, instructing me to come to the office in the back to have a word with her boss. Her boss was an oldish man, in a dark grey suit, perched in front of a portrait of Mwai Kibaki, overlooking all his minions working away at the 7 or 8 counters cutting across the large hall. He examined my passport page by page, and then looked across at me. The very first thing he said to me is the following: "We will have to arrest you". He elaborated further, pointing to the scribbles over the immigration stamp which read "KVP/1M/B". Apparently, the "1M" stands for 1 month, and the "B" for business, not 1 “Muzungu” (polite Swahili word for foreigner) and “Business” as I had previously assumed.


My three month single entry visa, with a listed expiry date of the 27th of July, apparently does not allow me to stay beyond 1 month, as so clearly spelled out in the scribbles. I explained to him politely but firmly that the expiry date listed on the visa is the 27th, and that I did not read or understand the writing on top of the immigration stamp, since it is coded. He snapped at me rudely, telling me not to try to defend myself. "You can plead ignorance, but a magistrate will never believe your story", he told me in a rather harsh tone. He went on further, now in rhetorical mode, stating just how "heinous" my crime is. "Would you like it if someone comes to your country and overstays?", he asked. He then took a calendar, and literally started counting the number of days that I have been staying here legally, and the number of days I have overstayed, one by one, going slower and slower as the days added up. FYI, in case you were curious, I stayed legally for 30 days and allegedly overstayed by 38 days.


At this point, I realized that my earlier tone - polite but firm – was a little counter-productive and pulled out my "cute" card. I responded somewhat innocently to his rhetorical questions, stating that I would not like it if someone overstayed in my country, and that it was a big problem there with Afghan refugees, just as it is here in Kenya, with Somali refugees. I apologized for "over staying" and tried to plead my case again, but this time in a very soft and timid tone, adding further that I came voluntarily to the immigration office to get my visa extended, which makes my intent very clear. He shook his head in disdain, and called another one of his sub-ordinates over to formally "arrest" me. I was expecting to be taken to a Police Station, being thrown in a jail cell, likely shared with 2 or 3 inmates, possibly with a background in violent crime, and with a good chance of carrying blood borne infectious diseases.


Another gentleman, the sub-ordinate, dressed in a light grey suit takes me outside the building and "hands me over" to a lady police officer, with an automatic weapon, who was clearly the security guard on duty, and not the sort of police officer who could legitimately arrest anyone. We now had a back and forth with this gentleman again. The same arguments repeated. The same innocence pleaded on my part, and complete disdain, almost pity, towards me on his part. No arrest as I had suspected but deadlock. The sub-ordinate went back to consult with his dark suited boss, whom we met earlier. In the meantime, Benson, my chaperone for this exercise, who runs a taxi company in Nairobi had a chat in Swahili with the Lady Guard. Oh! Did I not mention that Benson was with me the whole time, right by my side? Up until now Benson was silent, and I was doing all the talking, so he was not an important character to bring into the fold. But, Benson now got involved in the action. Benson gets a AAA* for going beyond the call of duty, and for his sharp wittedness during the course of this encounter.


The grey suited gentleman, i.e. the sub-ordinate, came back and asked the lady police officer to escort us to a "Senior Prosecutor" stationed on the 7th floor of the building. We all jumped into a crowded lift, Lady Police Office along with her automatic weapon. She made us wait in the lobby of the 7th floor for a little while, while she took my passport and explained the situation to this "Senior Prosecutor". It was just me and Benson now, who explained to me that there was nothing to worry about, and that they were just intimidating me to try and get me to grease their palms. He told me that 2,000 Kenyan Shillings would do the trick. I made it very clear to him that I would under no circumstance pay a bribe, and that my first preference was to get on the first flight out of Nairobi. I was quite certain that this was an easy course of action to pursue, as any country is always looking to quickly get rid of aliens which have overstayed. I know this because I was once deported from Saudi Arabia. They were so eager to get me out of Jeddah airport as quickly as possible, 2-years ago when I tried to enter "illegally" as a Muslim during Haj that they did not even allow me to use the bathroom at the airport, and sent me to a completely random third country, which happened to be Bahrain, to catch a connecting flight to Dubai (FYI – Muslims on a business visa are not allowed to enter Saudi Arabia during Hajj, the annual Muslim pilgrimage, for fear of overcrowding). In the unlikely case that deportation was not possible, my second preference was to go through the proper legal system, including possibly spending time in jail, and that under no circumstances was I going to bribe anyone. It turns out, that I do hold strong principles, and I wasn’t even wearing my T-shirt.


Lady Police Officer came back, and escorted us to an office. A gentleman, sunk into his classic black leather Government chair, perhaps in his mid-30s, in a navy blue suit, was sitting behind a large desk littered with paperwork. This time I let him do all the talking and did not say much in my defense. He also played a few rhetorical cards on me, explaining to me how utterly disdainful he was that I was well travelled and from a Commonwealth country and that I was still not savvy enough to know how long I was eligible to stay in Kenya. Not being able to elicit any kind of useful response from me, he asked me pointed questions about my background and what I was doing in Kenya. I told him that I was working pro-bono as a business advisor to a Microfinance Institution in Kenya. This added fuel to the fire, as he accused me of being "employed" in Kenya, when my visa clearly states that employment is prohibited. He then asked me what I have studied and what my qualifications are. I started out with "university" without saying much else. He asked me to elaborate. I then said "undergraduate" without saying much else. He asked me what subject. I stated "Economics", following which he accused me of taking Kenyan jobs. "Don't you think we have qualified Economists in Kenya?", he asked. I told him that there were some very qualified Economists in Kenya, but since my work is pro-bono, it is over and above what they are doing. I absolutely despise labor protectionism, and wanted to give him a lesson in Economics and a big spiel on the destructive nature of entitlement, but kept my cool, and decided not to go down that road.


A bit of back and forth again, and he concluded that he would have to hold on to my passport, and that I would have to appear in front of a magistrate on Monday. I told him, that I would rather leave Kenya immediately, never to return again, and that he should follow standard deportation procedures. He did not want this card to be played, and accused me of "running from the law like a fugitive". This is where Benson stepped in, and a five minute exchange between the two Kenyan gentlemen started in Swahili. I did not understand much of it, but I did recognize the words K-Rep Bank, which is the parent company of Juhudi Kilimo. I also recognized the words, or rather names, "Kiplagat", "Aleke Dondo", and "Nat Robinson". These are all senior K-Rep board members and officials, somewhat well-known and well-connected in Kenya. Then Benson grabbed his phone and pretended to make a call. Immediately, Blue suited official signaled Benson to stop with his left hand, and their Swahili exchange intensified a little bit, before coming to a sudden end. Blue suited guy turned to me and told me that he will extend my visa until August because he believes that Benson is a good man, and because he believes that I am doing a service to Kenya. He took out a couple of stamps from his drawer, made a bunch of scribbles on my passport, and just like that, with just a few strokes of a pen, I was eligible to stay in Kenya until August 7.


He also warned us that he will be looking out for me and this "Nat Robinson", and that we should ensure that we all have the correct special permits to do what we are doing in Kenya (I’m not quite sure, but I think I read somewhere that one needs a permit to urinate in one’s own bathroom). Still shocked by this bizarre twist, I thanked him profusely. Once he had handed my passport back to me, with a solid extension until August 7th which I double checked, I secured it in my deepest pocket, and told him in a polite tone that he was also doing great work for Kenya, and that there should be more officers like him. Once we left his office, Benson gave me a "debrief" (apologies for yet another consulting term in this post). Apparently Benson told him that he was a lawyer, and pulled out a bunch of big names including K-Rep Bank, and the Attorney General, counter intimidating our blue suited friend. Blue suited friend clearly did not want to take any chances, even though I sense that he understood that we were probably bluffing. He fell into line.


As I mentioned earlier, Benson gets a solid AAA* for stepping in to resolve this situation. It was a great bluff to play and I can’t think of any other tactic which would have resolved the situation so swiftly. In my two months with Benson, we have had our fair share of friction. This usually happens after his drivers try to charge me 800 for a trip to Westlands (a distant but trendy and upmarket suburb of Nairobi) which I usually pay 500 for, and never more than 600. After the third such experience, I started giving Benson the cold shoulder, and started building relationships with other cab drivers. This experience however, creates a new level of respect and a new bucket of value (can’t help but use consulting jargon) for Benson. For those of you looking for a solid cab service in Nairobi, always remember to choose Benson from Playa Tours.


Now to the core problem of corruption and how we can resolve it. I don’t think I have a concrete solution. It’s a deeply entrenched and very challenging problem to solve, but I can provide a few thought starters based on some of my knowledge and experiences. My top down hypothesis (more consulting terms - my apologies) is that “we”, the consumers of corruption are the problem, and that heavy bottom-up collective action is required to get us out of this mess (think strong leadership, role models, media, marketing, etc. in the short-term, and education, economic growth, etc. in the long-term). I have seen some institutional successes against corruption, but these are only a few bright spots, and the vast majority of the field remains deeply entrenched in darkness, and any institutional efforts to bring things out of this abyss have been largely futile. We, the consumers, are the one's fueling this vicious cycle (hypocrites – as some might call us). On the one hand we don’t like the negative social externalities created by corruption, which at their very extreme have led to failed states (Somalia – gone, forgotten and abandoned ; Afghanistan – who will put Humpty Dumpty back together, with all that electoral fraud, and system of rent distribution? ; Pakistan – Next?), yet on an individual basis we will not have it any other way (Sounds too simple? Let’s try to make it a bit profound with a few examples and stories).


The classic institutional success story to battle corruption is the Motorway Police in Pakistan. FYI, when Pakistan constructed its first fancy intra-city highway between Lahore and Islamabad in the 90’s, it decided to build a police force from scratch so that motorists on this new road did not have to get hassled by the cops, as was common on all the other national highways. It has been so successful, that every good Public Administration and Public Policy program teaches a case on it. The concept is simple and 4 pillared. Hire the right people from scratch (through rigorous interviews and psycho-metric testing, I would imagine), pay them well (2x to 3 x market wage might be the sweet spot), train them well (to be professional and especially to be values driven), and finally, institute the right controls and punishment (e.g. random spot checks, complaint channels, etc.). The reason why it's been so successful is because it was entirely green-field i.e. put together from scratch. The 4 pillars are easy to build from scratch. Over the years I have seen efforts to replicate the same 4 pillared model both green-field, and brownfield (trying to turn around an existing institution with the same people). The Islamabad Traffic Police has been another tremendous success story, which was established mostly green-field, and is about the same size and holds the same mandate as the motorway police. By contrast, I have seen brownfield efforts at one of my consulting clients, a major electric power utility in Pakistan, and they have been utterly futile. Just for a bit of context, Transparency International’s National Corruption Perception Survey in Pakistan, lists the Police as the most corrupt institution in Pakistan, followed by the Electric Power DISCOs (Distribution Companies), so these examples are very relevant.


Now some of you might want to understand how corruption takes place in an Electric Power DISCO. It's simple. Bribes are the way things happen, for everything from the provisioning of a new electrical connection, to turning a blind eye to power theft, to even going around and encouraging people to steal power in return for a small bribe (classic push versus pull – if you allow me to use more consulting parallels). 40% of the power generated by this DISCO is stolen. The nine months that I spent out there, I felt like I was in both Sodom and Gmorrah at the same time, and prayed day after day for God to scorch the place to dust. If my prayers were answered, we could build a green-field organization and make it pristine, just like the Motorway Police. But seriously, would God or a left wing, kleptocratic government ever make this happen?


So we went brownfield, trying to put each of these pillars in place, one at a time. One fine day, these corruption complaint boxes showed up around our offices, and the regional manager came in to inaugurate them and gave a big spiel on corruption (he was rumored to be the most corrupt official in the company). The idea was for everyone to anonymously report incidents of corruption they saw around them. Soon enough, the box filled up with letters of accusation, accusing just about everyone. A black list was developed, but a big debate ensued over how some of these officials were in fact being framed systematically by the most corrupt people in the organization who wanted to create noise to dilute or drown out their own actions. The system failed. I myself worked very closely with one of these senior officials, who was high up on that black list (measured by the number of accusations submitted) and he was in fact one of the most professional gentlemen with the strongest values I have come across in the organization. I always make it a point to catch up with him when I am back in Karachi. It was very obvious that the drop box was being sabotaged.


Simply stated, evil tries to beat the system and prevails over good. The drop box does not work. Even the other pillars placed in a brownfield environment tend not to be very effective. Corrupt officials gladly take extra pay and more training without changing anything. Even technology has been tried and there are now online versions of the drop box. Most of them have been deployed by institutions trying to battle corruption internally (e.g. the USAID anti-corruption portal & hotline) where as some of them have been deployed by independent organizations, usually trying to battle corruption on a national level (think Wikileaks). The latter have to fully disclose all their posts to the public. Just imagine how anyone can create an anonymous account, and accuse anyone else of corruption in full public view. Anecdotally, these sites have worked well in China and parts of South East Asia, where as in places like India and Pakistan, they have completely failed. There is perhaps something different about our culture, or our values.


I recall being stopped by the Motorway Police a couple of years back for over speeding on the way to Lahore from Islamabad. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I wish I had the option to bribe my way out of that fine. In fact people have been complaining that the Motorway Police is too honest, and that they would rather go back to the old system. So there is a twist in the tale again, and it turns out that I, along with many of my countrymen, am not very strong principled after all. Nairobi is an outlier, a foreign environment where I am not able to handle these highly charged subtle exchanges in a particularly smooth manner. But when the rubber hits the road, or rather before the rubber hits the road in Pakistan, and the Motorway Police officer takes his fine book out, my thought process changes. With corruption being so simple and common place, it’s no surprise that it creeps into the back of my mind and I have to battle raw temptation. Blame Adam & Eve, or that evil serpent.


Finally, and on a bit of a lighter note, most Government Ministries and public buildings in Kenya have a sign at the front gate reading, "This building is a corruption free zone". Interestingly enough, the Immigration Building, which was the setting for my little adventure earlier today did not have one of these signs. I will write a letter to them, demanding strongly that the sign be placed, so that we can rid the place of all its evils. I am also looking to place a similar sign at Juhudi Kilimo's Head Offices, sometimes referred to as "Juhudi Garden's" or the "Ranch". The later reference is usually made by the Jacaranda Health (a maternity healthcare social enterprise sharing our offices) and Kiva (an online peer-to-peer micro-lender, who also share our offices) folks, for obvious reasons. In an ideal world it should read: "Juhudi Kilimo is a corruption free zone" ; but just to bring Jacaranda and Kiva into the fold, we might have to frame it as: "The Ranch is a corruption free zone". Hopefully, once this is in place Jacaranda won't steal our tea and samosas every morning, a minor form of corruption, but nevertheless “a gateway drug”. If this doesn’t work, we can always print my, “I have strong principles” T-shirts for everyone. (For those of you not used to my dry sense of humor, I am kidding. The Jacaranda and Kiva folks are some of the most amazing people I have met).